Thursday, 2 June 2011

Why I Married

I read a post earlier today which I wont lie, struck a nerve. Not because she was wrong and not because she was right by what she posted, but with the topics in which she raised. This is the post here. Firstly I'd like to mention that I loved reading this post. Secondly I loved the debate I then held in my own head relating to the topics in question. I love being inspired by certain blog posts, and I love reading someone else's opinion to then raise opinions of my own. 

The topic of this post was relating to marriage, and as one half of a newly married couple it was something I felt compelled to read. 

I'll start this post with my reasons for getting married, as I feel it's important to address before continuing, but before that I should really begin with our story:

The Beginning
I met Michael when I was 17, and he was 20 almost 21. We met on myspace of all places and within months of talking online found out that we only lived a 10 minute walk from each other. We arrange to meet one night at the midway point between both of our houses. I wouldn't say that it was love at first sight though I'm sure Mike would disagree, but I would say that there was definitely a spark. We wandered the streets for hours just talking. Mike was a shy soul, but still engaged in conversation, and I knew from that moment on that I had gained a great friend. For about a month we continued to meet as friends, we went for walks, spent time in town, even went on CV handing out quests, and basically had a great time getting to know each other. 
I still remember the first time I went round to his house. He still lived with his parents, as did I, so I knock on his door and prayed for him to answer and when he did I blew a sigh of relief. We spend the night watching Children in Need (if you don't know it's a national annual fund raising event held in the UK.) We laughed and cried, and enjoyed our time together. He walked me home that night. 

The daily Michael and Katie get togethers continued. One day I phoned him from college saying I'd bought a guitar, and requesting if he'd teach me how to play it. I'm sure he must have been slightly shocked at my impulse purchase but he didn't bat an eyelid, he just invited me round to his. I actually don't remember him showing me anything on the guitar. I remember showing him it, and I remember talking a lot, but thats about it. We watched TV for a while and then I remember a bit of play fighting, and joking, and laughing. He walked me home that night.  

Both these pictures are from five years ago.. you can tell by the prices of the chocolate. haha

The First Kiss
The next day after college I went round to see him. We talked and watched TV, like we did most nights, but this time something had changed. I knew I felt something for this boy and somehow though-out the night we ended up curled in each others arms. I could feel his breath upon me, I felt things I had never felt before. I knew he wanted to kiss me, and I knew I wanted to kiss him. In our little ball our heads were positioned so close that I only had to raise my head to reach his lips. And that's exactly what I did. It was the best kiss in the world. I call it our movie moment. The first kiss that everyone wishes for. I think from that moment I understood what true love stood for. 

The First "I love you"
Michael was the first to say "I love you." We'd been watching a movie when Mike uttered the three words every girl longs to hear, quickly masked by the two words "elephant juice." haha. The cheeky little devil. I knew what he said, but I waited until he was brave enough to repeat it. I believe that openly admitting to someone that you love them is probably one of the hardest but most rewarding things to do. To open your heart and risk rejection is one of life's greatest challenges, and I was willing to wait until Mike could face up to his. (Obviously I was not facing up to my own fears of rejection.) The day came and I quickly reciprocated by telling him just how much I loved him. And I've never looked back since. 

Five years ago I remember feeling like I could never love this boy anymore than how I loved him then. Right now I sit here watching the same boy, now a man, now my husband, playing Xbox knowing that I love him so much more now than I ever did back then, but thinking if I loved him anymore my heart would surly burst. This is the reason I married him. 

I married Michael because I want to spend the rest of my life with him. When planning our wedding people asked me why I didn't have a bridesmaid, and my answer was that I didn't need one. The question was then followed by, "Don't you have a best friend who would like to do it?" My answer was always the same, "I'm marrying my best friend." closely followed by, "and he would look a right bugger in a dress." haha.

Which leads me on to the post I mentioned earlier. Within this posts she mentions how people continuously ask when she is to be married. Which her response was that people are married because that is what society requires for them to do. Get married, have children and by the sounds of it, give up any career to become nothing more than part of a 'cereal packet family.' Or at least this is my interpretation of it. 

This post saddens me. For me to be able to marry Michael is what my heart desires. It doesn't mean that I have to give up my life just because now I am married. To be honest the only things that have changed are that we are now husband and wife, we both have rings which symbolise our love for one another, and that we showed our love for each other in front of our close family and friends, our Vicar and God. 

Another point she makes is that 'sometimes a woman's voice can get lost in the midst of a mans worlds' and though I believe this to be true in some social sectors, within mine this is not the case. In fact anyone that knows Michael and I's relationship would know that Mike has to shout pretty loud for his voice to be heard, both literally and metaphorically. (Something I need to work on.) And if we are to branch out to the world of work, yes of course sexual discrimination still exists, but it has dramatically improved over the years, and I don't see how marrying the man you love could change this. 

I'd like to add that although I am now married, it doesn't mean it's because we want children now. I do want children, and I have always been very traditional in the sense that I wanted to have children within wedlock, but this doesn't not mean in anyway that I must have children now. We still want to have children in a few years time. Preferably when I am at least 24 and Mike is 28, but if it happened sooner it wouldn't be the end of the world. It would sadden me slightly in the sense that both Michael and I have a lot to do before we have children, but I believe that children are a gift and if I was to be given this gift then who am I to refuse. 

Finally the topic of money was raised within this post, suggesting that money was a major issue when taking marriage into consideration, and I definitely agree. The wedding industry is one of the largest profitable organisations out there, making unthinkable amounts of money each year, but that's only if you let it. It took Michael five years to propose, and when I asked him why, he said it was because of money. He said that if he had the money when we first met he would have proposed straight away. We didn't really have the money when he did propose but my ring is all mine now, if you know what I mean. 

In relation to our actual wedding, it could have cost a lot more if we had got carried away, but I think that if we did we would have also lost sight of why we were getting married in the first place. When we first got engaged I hunted and hunted for a venue to hold our wedding reception, that was what we wanted, at a reasonable cost, but the cheapest I could find was £3000. At that rate it would have taken at least 2 years to save up, and that would have been just for the venue. We always knew where we wanted to get married, and that was the church where both my Grandparents, and parents were married, so the cost there was set at £500 no question, but everything else could be altered. I finally got fed up of ridiculously priced wedding venues and told my Mum that I was getting to the point where I was thinking of having a BBQ at home for our wedding reception, when my Mum offered up her home. Now it's an averaged sized UK household, so nothing special in size, but I must admit it was the most perfect place to hold a wedding reception. Every single guest commented on how much they loved our day, and not just to our faces, but we had heard it from other people who weren't even there. In the end we had about 40 guests, and only the guest that we really wanted. So it just goes to show that you don't need some big flashy event to show someone how much you love them, a homely, heartfelt event does the same thing, if not better. 

I would like to point out that I'm not intentionally picking apart everything that this person has wrote. In fact I greatly respect her opinion. Opinions are what make us human, and without them the world would be a very dull and boring place, but I did want to raise this topic from the other end of the spectrum. I wanted to approach this from the the angle of a newly married woman. I would love to view the opinions from a single person, or from someone who has been married for 20-odd-years as it would definitely make for very interesting reading. 

I'm also not saying that the way Michael and I have done things is the right way, and I hope that most of you who read this see where I am coming from. In fact if we really look into it, the point that I am making is almost identical to the point she makes, where you can/should do things your way, and not the way in which society dictates for you to do them. Marry if you want to marry, and not because you are forced to do so. Marry for love, and not for society. Set your own timeline in life. In the UK now-a-days 22 is quite a young age to get married. In fact most couple choose not to get married at all. Whereas years ago 22 was quite an old age to get married. People change, which in turn changes society, which changes the way in which we view the world. So what I'm trying to say is view the world how you want to view it. Live your life how you want to live it, to a standard in which you are proud of. Do everything you want to do in life, but also help others achieve what they want to achieve. 

I'm sorry that this has been such a long post, and if you choose not to read it then I don't blame you, but if you get something from it then let me know. I surly did. 

Speak Soon,
Katie 
x

6 comments:

  1. Aww you and Michael sound adorable! I totally agree with everything you said, although everyones going to have their own opinion.
    My next door neighbours have 3 kids, middle aged and don't want to get married as they don't see the point. Everyones different. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Its so nice to hear yours and mike's story, after seeing and hearing all about your wedding! x

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is a lovely post and I really enjoyed reading it. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, and he's made me aware that he plans on getting engaged this year :) We have had a wonderful relationship so far, but the beginning was difficult as one of his close friends tried to keep us apart. However, we jumped that hurdle, and am glad we are so determined to be with each other.

    I loved how you chose not to have a bridesmaid! In fact I probably won't have one for the same reason as you :P

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Abby - I know that everyones got their own opinion and that's what I love about topics like this. Someone who I work with is in the same position as your neighbour and they're probably one of the happiest couples I know. It really depends on what's important to you, and marriage was very important for me. x

    haribohats - Thank you. To be honest I wrote this post 2 weeks ago but haven't had the confidence to post it. I had it as a scheduled post and keep putting the date back. Then I forgot all about it, and it posted anyway... so I'm so happy to have received such lovely and positive comments.

    Whimsical Wolf - I remember when I met Mike a friend of mine told me not to date him because she had previously dated his brother and it would be 'weird for her!' Both Mike and I laughed at this now because when she said this we were just friends and then like my story says everything just fell into place. I'm a great believer in fate, so I believe if you've made it this far (and with how happy you sound) you're going to have a long and happy life together. I love a good love story. :) x

    ReplyDelete
  5. i think marriage is lovely and wonderful and great if that is what you want to do, but equally having read the other post I completely see where she is coming from and actually relationships are very individual and if both of those involved are happy then actually whether or not they decide to get married is down to them and them alone. the pressures felt by us on what society dictates are huge, and not necessarily something we have to obey to. Marriage is a way of committing your relationship to family and friends, but in my opinion a mortgage is a bigger commitment to one another.

    really enjoyed reading this xxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. LC - No I also agree with what she writes about from her point of view. The point of my post was to share my views. Like I said I completely respect her opinions and how she chooses to live her life, and I completely respect that she puts her career first, and rightly so.
    In regards to a mortgage.. I also completely agree with what you say, it is a big commitment. We bought our house together 2 years ago now, almost 3 before we really thought about marriage. Or should I say before we thought that we could ever afford to get married.
    Buying our house together was on of the best times of our lives. We also put all the bills into both our names, we choose to have a joint account (we still have separate ones too but all accounts are linked) we wanted to share everything right from the beginning. We never wanted to be one of those couples who's money was completely separate, we wanted to share it all. Any money we earn we earn together, it goes into our house, if you get what I mean.
    Though I would add that we didn't marry to commit our relationship to our friends and family, we married to commit our relationship to each other. At the end of the day our friends and family were there to share in our day, and we would have still married if no-one else was there. I made my commitments/my vows to Michael in front of God that I would spend the rest of my life with him and that I would honour and respect him. I didn't make those vows to my family and friends. I don't think I put that across very well at all. haha. It sounds a bit harsh, but believe me it's not meant that way at all.
    x

    ReplyDelete

I try to always reply to comments posted here. So if you take the time to leave me a message, be sure to check back for my reply.